secondjag

"Johnny," the teacher started, "do you know what 'paranoia' means?"
"It's not a word, teach, it's several words," Johnny replied.
"Whatever do you mean by that?"
"It's like when you go into a restaurant and a well-endowed waitress with a low-cut uniform reaches in front of you and says, 'Does my pair annoy ya?'"

A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people, telling them to bring their friends.
On the invitation he puts, "Themed Party: Come as a Human Emotion."
On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.
He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy."
The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink."
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts.
He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"
And she replies, "I'm tickled pink." The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party."
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys from New York, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear.
The host is really shocked and says, "Gee, guys, what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?"
The first guy replies, "Well, I'm fucking discustard, and my friend here has come in dispair."

 

 

 

So, I'm on Youtube and see this stuff.  You might find it interesting:

 

 

again, throwing some in for the eternally beautiful Wild Thing.  What can I say; she makes my heart sing, lol

 

 

some more, I spoil ya; I know  (3 vids) sound on!!

 

on "auto pilot."  ( 3 vids)

 

A man had just been married and came to work in a hurry the next day. He went up to a friend and said, "You must help me. My wife and I are both virgins and we don't know what to do!"
The friend replied, "Where are you going for your honeymoon?"
Man says, "To Disneyworld."
Friend, "OK, I'll come along with you and the first night I'll hide in the closet. if you have a problem....I'll be there."
Man, "Thank you!"
They did exactly that. The man left his wife and went to the bathroom.
He stubbed his toe as he reentered the bed and uttered, "Oh...shit!"
His friend in the closet whispered, "Flip her over! Flip her over!"

McCreedy is sitting at the bar jerking his meat. The bartender says, "Look, Mac, you've got to get out of here." The drunk says, "Are you kiddin'? I can't leave.  I can't walk. Hell, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm fuckin'!"

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple.
This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he gain straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving competitor. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps.
She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool.
She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly!
After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
No," she said, "I was a hooker in Buffalo, and I worked both sides of the Niagara River."

 

A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud. "This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.

Finally, someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
"My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine."
The original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928. "I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton.  You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes."

 

 

Hey, put a bunch of these up today but decided if it has "legs", it's got to stand on it's own string. Hope you dig it.  Hmm, should we include porn stars?  might be a lot of interesting shots, and yes ladies, you can post men

 

 

 

 

Something a bit different in the mix today.  Celibs.  And more than a few rings

 

Def keep the sound on.  There's one ["Married asking the black man..."] that moans like you've never heard.  (9 vids)

 

A man and a woman were engaged in heated sexual intercourse.
The woman was screaming and wiggling like she had never before.
Afterwards, she flings the lights on and stares him straight in the eyes.
"You know you were fucking me in the ass, don't you?"
"I wasn't quite sure," replied the man.
"Surely you realized that it wasn't like our normal sex. Why didn't you stop?" pleaded the wife.
"You know how much we men hate to stop and ask for directions..."

A man and his wife were talking and he says, "You know, I was thinking of going down to the pub tonight and entering that big-dick contest."
"Oh honey," she exclaims, "I don't want you taking that out in public!"
"But sweet thing," he says, "the prize is $100!"
"I don't care," she says, "I don't want you showing that thing to everybody."
So he lets the subject drop until the following night when his wife walks in on him in the bedroom, counting out a hundred dollars.
"Did you go down and enter that big-dick contest last night after I told you not to?"
"Please forgive me, sweetheart," he says.
"You mean you took that thing out for everybody to see?" she says, tears welling up in her eyes.
The man looks at her fondly and says, "No, dear. Only enough to win."

 

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back as we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

After supper, it's back to the golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a fucking rabbit somewhere in Scotland."

Q: What is an Australian Kiss?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'downunder.'

Q: Why were hurricanes normally named after women?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.

 

 

Alright kids, make some popcorn and enjoy the vids.  (9 vids)

 

14 hours ago, cucksean said:

Love this! 

glad u dug it Sean

A kitty and a rooster held a race.
They reached a stream.
The cat said to the rooster, "I'm not jumping that -- you KNOW cats hate getting wet!"
The rooster replied, "Don't be a chicken -- just back up and take a flying leap!"
The cat tried, and landed in the middle  of the stream.
The rooster smiled contentedly. "What's so bloody  funny?" asked the cat.
The rooster answered, "Well, NOTHING pleases a cock more'n seeing a wet pussy!!"

Carol was not the best student in the Catholic School she attended. Usually, she slept through class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping in class. 'Tell me Carol, who created the universe?'
When Carol didn't stir, but little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Carol.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Carol, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But, Carol didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
'Jesus Christ!' shouted Carol. And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Carol fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question. 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Carol jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
That’s the value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.  

A little girl is playing with two dolls and her mom comes into the room to see what she is doing.
The mother sees her has a Barbie and a G.I. Joe doll.
"What are you doing with your brother's G.I. Joe, tootsie?" asks the mother.
"Where's your Ken doll? You know Barbie comes with Ken."
"No, mother," explains the little girl without looking up. "Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken."

 

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships and decided they needed to spice up their love lives.

All three agreed to wear black leather bras, stiletto heels, and a mask over their eyes that evening with their respective lovers.

After a few days, they met up for lunch and compared notes.

The engaged woman: "The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and, a mask. He saw me and said: 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long."

The mistress: "Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word, but we had wild fun all night!"

Then the married woman said: "I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night when my husband came home. I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said: 'What's for dinner, Batman?'"

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.

“I want a baby more than anything in the world,” said the first, “But I guess it is impossible.”

“I used to feel just the same way,” said the second. “But then, everything changed

That's why I'm here I'm going to have a baby in three months.”

“You must tell me what you did.”

“I went to a faith healer.”

“But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit.”

The other woman smiled and whispered, “Try going alone, next time, dearie.”

 

you wouldn't believe how many it wouldn't let me load

 

An exhibitionist named Joe was preparing to board a flight to Atlanta. As he approached the open door of the plane at the end of the jet way, a very attractive flight attendant was collecting boarding passes.
As she reached down toward Joe for his boarding pass, he opened his raincoat and @@@@@@@ himself.
"I'm sorry sir," she said politely, "but you have to show your ticket, not your stub."

The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face.  "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.  This is a horrible lie. and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?  Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your heart you will feel glory.  Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. 
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.
"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.  I never said you were a member of the Klan.  I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!"
The preacher fainted.

 

Ok Cuckolds, on topic, sound on.   (5 vids)  gotta love it!

 

Re posting this just for Wild Thing.  Love you baby

 

Beg for it...   INCLUDING A BONUS, 2 VIDS

 

and so it goes...   ( 3 vids)  as usual, sound on