Umm

[secondjag]

The young bride approached her husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.
Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate downsizing and its effects on a 50 year old executive.
Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 30 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank.
She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments.
By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car. She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied, "If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!"
It did not end well for him.

 

[secondjag]

[secondjag]

A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So... You finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, the young man reached for her and they make love again. The young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned,  the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish!?"
Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Swedish!"

 

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.  Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.  About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?' Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch, and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,'Honey, please... just one more time before I die.' She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could...'  At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough I have to get up in the morning. You don't.'

[secondjag]

A father was explaining the 'facts of life' to his teenage son.
After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of lovemaking.
Son: "What do you mean, Dad?"
Dad: "Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to ask, 'Are you done yet?' On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, 'Are you done already?'"
Son: "What do other women say?"
Dad: "Well, a school teacher will admonish, 'We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!' A nurse will warn, 'This won't hurt one bit.'"
Son: "I thought they said, 'Pull down your pants and bend over.'"
Father: "That's male nurses. But let's move on, a bank teller will say, 'Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.' A stewardess will suggest, "Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally."
Son: "And what does mother say?"
Father: "She says, 'Beige... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige.'"

 

A Note on the Fridge
My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs, that you, being 54
years old, can no longer satisfy.
I am very happy with you and I  value you as a good wife.
Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you  will not wrongly interpret the fact
that I  will be spending the evening at the Comfort Inn Hotel with Chantelle, my 18 year old  secretary.
Please don't be  upset.
I shall be home before  midnight.

Your husband

When the man came home late  that night, he found the following letter  on
the dining room table:
My Dear  Husband,
I received your letter and  thank you for your honesty about my being  54 years old..
I would like to take this  opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.
As you know, I am a  mathematics teacher.
I would like to inform  you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta
with Michael,  one of my students, who is also the assistant  Rugby coach.
He is young, virile, and  (like your secretary) 18 years old.
As a successful businessman  with a mathematical brain, you will understand that we are in the same  situation, but with one small  difference:
18 goes into 54 a lot more  times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home  until sometime tomorrow.

Your loving wife

 

[Kaktuscpl]

"UNLOAD BY HAND"  LMAO   

[secondjag]

Steve Davis, the world champion snooker player, got married. It was the first night of his honeymoon. His beautiful wife lay spread across the bed wearing only a scanty silken black nightdress.
Presently Steve came out of the bathroom totally naked with a long stiff erection and walked slowly to the foot of the bed. He didn't utter a sound but simply stood there looking at her and chalking the end of his erect penis.
This went on for over ten minutes, the only movement being the slow rhythmic chalking of the tip of his penis and the movement of his head from side to side as he stared at her lying on the bed. Eventually, moist with excitement and shaking with anticipation she tore off her night dress and slowly spread her legs wide open waiting for him to take her.
Steve simply raised his eyebrows, cocked his head to the side and continued to slowly stroke the soft chalk across the glistening, throbbing penis as he stared intensely at the pleasures he saw between her outspread legs. It was too much for her to stand, writhing in an agony of expectation and frustration she screamed out, "For God's sake what are you waiting for?"
Steve gently stroked the chalk across his throbbing penis, blew the loose chalk off its end, smiled and looking even more closely between her smooth thighs quietly told her, "I'm trying to decide whether to go for the tight brown or the easy pink."

 

[secondjag]

A woman accompanied her husband his doctor's appointment.

After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "if you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
1. "Each morning fix him a blow job send him off to work in a good mood."
2."At lunch time make him a warm, nutritious meal, and then give him blow job, and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work."
3."For dinner, fix an especially nice meal and don't burden him with household chores. Then, before bed, give him a blow job."
4."Satisfy his every whim."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said.

She replied, "You're going to die."

 

[secondjag]

Lori, the pert and pretty nurse, took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she orked.
"Doctor, you got to help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors working here, I end up in bed with him. Afterwards, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?"
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Lori. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

 

A teacher is teaching her grade four class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence.

Several people stick up their hands.

"Carl," she says.

Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher.

Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious" 

The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!?

Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up, at the back of the class.  "Yes, Johnny?" she says.

Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin around, and we saw our blonde neighbour painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, "Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.

 

[secondjag]

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil tycoon demanded that divorce proceeding begin at one against his young wife.
"What's the problem?"
"I want to hit that adulteress bitch for breach of contract," snapped the magnate.
 "I don't know if that'll fly," replied the lawyer. "I mean, your wife isn't a piece of property, you do not own her."
"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined "but I sure as hell expect exclusive drilling rights!"

 

[Kaktuscpl]

3 hours ago, secondjag said:

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil tycoon demanded that divorce proceeding begin at one against his young wife.
"What's the problem?"
"I want to hit that adulteress bitch for breach of contract," snapped the magnate.
 "I don't know if that'll fly," replied the lawyer. "I mean, your wife isn't a piece of property, you do not own her."
"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined "but I sure as hell expect exclusive drilling rights!"

 

the road runner one.......about damn time LOL

[secondjag]

11 minutes ago, Kaktuscpl said:

the road runner one.......about damn time LOL

lmao, I know, right?  In the real, a coyote is much faster than that bird.  lol, and don't even get me started on jaguars...

[secondjag]

Storming Into the drugstore first thing Monday morning, the young man slammed a carton and a receipt down on the counter.

"I came in here on Friday and purchased twelve dozen condoms," he yelled at the druggist."
“Yes? " queried the clerk.

"Well, I counted them. There's only eleven dozen here."
Regarding the man square in the eye, the druggist said contritely, "So sorry, sir, to have ruined your weekend.

A woman walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!"
"I'm screwed, too!" says the other guy, slapping his forehead.
"Guys, I am about to be screwed beyond all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in anguish.
Just then, one of the guys notices a woman who has been standing there listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face.

"Are you OK?" asks one guy.
"Yes," replies the woman, "but I was wondering... How do I go about getting audited?"

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring and passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."

So, the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like great desert camels."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god that he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb."

Well, the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years - raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants and grabbed a firm hold on the Pakistani's thighs.

The Pakistani then began screaming, "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"

 

[secondjag]

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular checkup.

"Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied. "Do you think I might be a hemophiliac?"

"Well," the doctor answered, "hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a hemophiliac. Tell me, how much you lose when you have your period?"

After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."

Alex Thorn comes home from work one afternoon and is stopped by his neighbour, "It may be none of my business, but this afternoon a strange man came to your house and your wife let him in. I peeked through the curtains and saw them making wild, passionate love."
Thorn said," Was he short, about 5'8"?
" Yes,"the neighbor answers, " I believe he was."
" Did he have a droopy eye, and appear drunk?" Thorn asked.
" Yes," the neighbor agrees.
" Then that was the mailman, Jim, " Thorn responds. " He'll screw anyone!"

 

[secondjag]

A Marine fell asleep on the beach.

He woke up several hours later, and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the closest hospital, which happened to be a U.S. Naval Hospital.

His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister.  
Anything that touched his legs caused agony. 
The lead on the medical staff at the naval hospital, that night, was a Chief Corpsman, in the emergency room. 
The Chief checked him out and then prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water, electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.
Rather astounded, the 3rd class corpsman, who was with the Chief inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?"
The Chief replied, "It'll keep the sheet off his legs."

 

[secondjag]

Sue and Sally meet up at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.
They begin to talk and bring each other up to date.
The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc, and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says, "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

Back in the Good Old Days, when Dudley Fudpucker was whooping it up in college, he was standing at a bar one evening, when a lady of enticing appearance approached him and suggested that they have a drink.

Dudley said, "Well, I'm no John D. Rockefeller, but I'll buy."

After developing a slight buzz, she suggested a dance. Dudley smiled and said, "I'm no Fred Astaire, but I'll give it a whirl."

Later, she suggested that they go up to her room. "I'm no Cary Grant," replied Dudley, "but I'll follow you up there."

They left and went to the lady's apartment. They had another drink, then did what had been on their minds all evening, anyway.

Afterward, the lady says, "What about some money?"

Dudley shot back, "Well, I'm no gigolo, but I'll take it!"

 

[Kaktuscpl]

On 2/27/2022 at 11:48 AM, secondjag said:

Sue and Sally meet up at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.
They begin to talk and bring each other up to date.
The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc, and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says, "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

Back in the Good Old Days, when Dudley Fudpucker was whooping it up in college, he was standing at a bar one evening, when a lady of enticing appearance approached him and suggested that they have a drink.

Dudley said, "Well, I'm no John D. Rockefeller, but I'll buy."

After developing a slight buzz, she suggested a dance. Dudley smiled and said, "I'm no Fred Astaire, but I'll give it a whirl."

Later, she suggested that they go up to her room. "I'm no Cary Grant," replied Dudley, "but I'll follow you up there."

They left and went to the lady's apartment. They had another drink, then did what had been on their minds all evening, anyway.

Afterward, the lady says, "What about some money?"

Dudley shot back, "Well, I'm no gigolo, but I'll take it!"

 

LOL    that's some funny shit right there

[secondjag]

Alright Kak, try this on for size

Abe went to a brothel and told the madam, "I want a girl with big boobs and a small box."
"Why?" she asked him.
"Never mind!" replied Abe. "I’m paying for it. I want a girl with big tits and a small box!"
"No problem," said the madam. "Go straight up the stairs to room 23."
A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, and a young woman walked in.
"Okay," she said, "are you the guy with the big mouth and the small pecker?"

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night, the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night.
She looked at her husband and said, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up at her and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She said, "That's right.  Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."
"Well, what was it?" she asked.
He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big boobs and screw your brains out'..."
She giggled and said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"
Again he looked up at her, and replied, "Mission accomplished." 

 

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed, and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this Where have you been? Dinner is cold, and I'm not reheating it." And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

To which he whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP!?"

 

[Kaktuscpl]

24 minutes ago, secondjag said:

Alright Kak, try this on for size

Abe went to a brothel and told the madam, "I want a girl with big boobs and a small box."
"Why?" she asked him.
"Never mind!" replied Abe. "I’m paying for it. I want a girl with big tits and a small box!"
"No problem," said the madam. "Go straight up the stairs to room 23."
A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, and a young woman walked in.
"Okay," she said, "are you the guy with the big mouth and the small pecker?"

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night, the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night.
She looked at her husband and said, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up at her and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She said, "That's right.  Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."
"Well, what was it?" she asked.
He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big boobs and screw your brains out'..."
She giggled and said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"
Again he looked up at her, and replied, "Mission accomplished." 

 

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed, and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this Where have you been? Dinner is cold, and I'm not reheating it." And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

To which he whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP!?"

 

LMAO ......."Not hanging Wright tonight".......PRICELESS

 

[secondjag]

[secondjag]

"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "you've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream; I'm lying in bed when all of the sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes."
The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"
"I push them away."
"I see. What do you want me to do?"
The patient implored. "Break my arms."

A tall Texan rancher in a tall Stetson hat strode into a rather sleazy cocktail lounge with his buddies. He passed the veteran waitress bent over wiping a table, he slapped her on the ass and said, "Ah shore do wish Ah had a little pussy." She glanced up at him without stopping and said, "So do I. Mine's as big as your hat."

A 15-year old girl is going on her first date, and her mother warns her not to let the boy put his hands up her dress.
The girl agrees, and the mother is reassured that her will not let the boy put his hands up her dress.
The boy and girl go out, and after a movie and a nosh they are parked in lover's lane.
He makes a move and tries to put his hands up her dress.
She stops him once, twice and three times. He's all disappointed.
Then she tells him why, "I promised my mother that I wouldn't let you put your hands up my dress.
But, you can put your hands down the back of my dress, and it's the second hole you come to!"

 

[secondjag]

A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!"
Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play.
Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall.

Again, he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time. So, he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"

 

 

[secondjag]

Anne's fine figure had been poured into a beautiful form-fitting gown, and she made a point of calling her dates attention to it over and over again throughout the evening.
Finally, over a nightcap in his apartment he said, "You've been talking about that dress all evening long. You called my attention to it first when we met for cocktails, mentioned it again at dinner, and still again at the theater.”  He paused both to take a breath, and to let that sink in. He then said, “Now that were here alone in my apartment, what do you say we drop the subject?”

Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew, and soon people from all over the country were coming to Minnesota to have portraits done.
One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house. Inside was a beautiful woman, and she asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request of Ole. The woman said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000. 
Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole asked the woman to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Lena, his missus.  In a few minutes, he returned, and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. I'll paint ya in DA nude, but I'll haff at leave my socks on so I'll have a place to wipe my brushes." 

 

[secondjag]

The learned judge looked down from the bench at the young woman who was suing her husband for divorce.
"Your Honor," the young woman said, "I just can't live with my husband anymore. He's a hobosexual."
"Just one moment," interrupted the judge, considerably confused. "Don't you mean homosexual?"
"No, your Honor," insisted the woman. "I mean hobosexual. He's a bum lay!"

Little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies, "Well, uh, you go there to, uh, have a good time."
Little Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there, too, but his father insists that he's too young.
Saturday night rolls around. Little Johnny's dad and a few of his friends head out to Mable's ("Liquor In The Front, Poker In The Rear! -- Our Customers Come First!), for a "good time."
Naturally, Little Johnny tags along secretly.
After his dad and his dad's friends have come and gone, Little Johnny knocks on the door.
The Madame opens the door. "Yes?" she asks.
"I'm here to have a good time!"
The Madame is a little puzzled, but being a kind-hearted soul, invites Little Johnny inside. She gives him three donuts and then bids him goodbye.
When he gets home, his dad is frantic. "Where have you been?"
"I went to a WHOREHOUSE!" Little Johnny proudly boasted!
Little Johnny's dad blanched. "Uhh, you did? Umm, how was it?"
"Well, I managed the first two without any problem, but I was only able to lick the third one!"

 

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.

The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?"
The doctor replied, "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?"
The patient's friend replied, "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to do with anything?"
"Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"

 

[Kaktuscpl]

4 hours ago, secondjag said:

The learned judge looked down from the bench at the young woman who was suing her husband for divorce.
"Your Honor," the young woman said, "I just can't live with my husband anymore. He's a hobosexual."
"Just one moment," interrupted the judge, considerably confused. "Don't you mean homosexual?"
"No, your Honor," insisted the woman. "I mean hobosexual. He's a bum lay!"

Little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies, "Well, uh, you go there to, uh, have a good time."
Little Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there, too, but his father insists that he's too young.
Saturday night rolls around. Little Johnny's dad and a few of his friends head out to Mable's ("Liquor In The Front, Poker In The Rear! -- Our Customers Come First!), for a "good time."
Naturally, Little Johnny tags along secretly.
After his dad and his dad's friends have come and gone, Little Johnny knocks on the door.
The Madame opens the door. "Yes?" she asks.
"I'm here to have a good time!"
The Madame is a little puzzled, but being a kind-hearted soul, invites Little Johnny inside. She gives him three donuts and then bids him goodbye.
When he gets home, his dad is frantic. "Where have you been?"
"I went to a WHOREHOUSE!" Little Johnny proudly boasted!
Little Johnny's dad blanched. "Uhh, you did? Umm, how was it?"
"Well, I managed the first two without any problem, but I was only able to lick the third one!"

 

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.

The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?"
The doctor replied, "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?"
The patient's friend replied, "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to do with anything?"
"Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"

 

"HOBOSEXUAL"........LMAO

[secondjag]

10 hours ago, Kaktuscpl said:

"HOBOSEXUAL"........LMAO

🤣😂🤣 Dude, you're from Tex.  You had a quarterback who was a "Romosexual"   lmao but I think he was from IL