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anything cute, funny.   Dad At School Recital.mp4

seems like a good place to post funny, cuckold related, memes   

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an old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old time’s sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'
The prostitute replies, 'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots?' he asks. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and your knot getting your money back."

 

Two little boys are visiting their cousin in the country when they decide to go for a walk down the back roads.
After about three miles they find a used rubber lying by the road.
"Hey," one of the dumbass city boys says, "look, a poor cow lost one of its titties!"
"Let's go give it to the farmer!" the other one says.
So, they work their way up to the farm house. They knock on the door and out comes the farmer.
"Hey, Mister, we found a cow titty. Ya want it back?"
The farmer, not in the mood for conducting a Sex-Ed seminar, said, "Sure, boys, here's a dollar for your trouble."
The boys hand over the rubber, and head on back down the road.

After a little while one says to the other, "You know, lardass, we could have got more than a buck if you hadn't drank the damned milk!"

 

There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel.

He asked the hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.

After a while he started making passes, she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man.

“It’s OK,” he replied, “it’s written in the Bible.”
So after a wild night of sex, the hat check girl asked to see where in the Bible it says it’s okay to have wild, passionate sex.
The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first page where someone wrote in pencil: “The hat check girl puts out!”

 

Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other, "Should we say hi to those 2 tampons? " The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts."

 

 

Jack was to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a fireside chat.

"Jack," he says, "Let me tell you something. On my wedding night, in our honeymoon suite, I took off my trousers, handed them to your mother and said 'Here Honey, try these on'. So she did, and said 'Well sweetie, they're a little too big, I can't wear them' so I replied 'Exactly. I wear the trousers in this family, and I always will'. Ever since that night we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm," says Jack, and thinks it's a good thing to try.

So, on his honeymoon Jack takes off his trousers and says to Jill, "Here Babe, try these on".
So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me".
Jack then says, "Exactly. I wear the trousers in this relationship, I always will, and I don't want you to forget that".
At this, Jill takes off her panties, hands them to Jack and says, "Here, you try on mine".
So he tries and says, "I can't even get into your panties".
Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your fucking attitude, you never will!"

 

 

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Greg was explaining the facts of life to his teenage nephew. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of lovemaking.
"One thing to keep in mind is that different women say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the same thing."
"What do you mean, Uncle Greg?"
Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you done yet?" On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are you done already?"
"What do other women say?"
Well, a schoolteacher will say, "We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit."
I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend over."
That's a male nurse. But let's move on, a bank teller will say, "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal." A stewardess will say, "Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally."
"And what does Aunty Keli say? "
She says, "Beige... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige."

 

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A father is a little worried because his teenage is dating several guys as she comes down to go out on yet another date the father starts to asks her what she does on her dates with all the different boys
She says they do things that rhyme with their names.
Last week she dated Pete and they went out to eat, so the father says you went with Pete to eat.
4 days ago, she went with Lance to a school dance. So, the father says you went with Pete to eat and Lance to dance.
Last weekend she went with Jim to the beach to swim, so the father said you went with Pete to eat, Lance to dance, and Jim to swim
Just then there's a knock at the door so the father answers it. Standing there was a young lad who said, "I'm here to pick up your ......my name is Chuck."
Chuck was last seen running down the street with a black eye and a broken nose.

 

I was sitting around yesterday at lunch, with a few of my co-workers, when the subject of (what else) sex came up.
Now Billy-Bob (he runs the fork lift) says, "Last night I made love to my wife three times!  This morning, she was so happy she made me my favorite breakfast of eggs and grits."
Now Jim-Bob, (the fertilizer inspector) not to be outdone by his cousin Billy-Bob, he says, "That's nothing.  Last night I made love to my wife five times.  She was so happy, she not only made me my favorite breakfast of biscuits and gravy, she told me I was the best in the world and she could never love another man."
Well, they then looked at me, waiting for me to say something. Finally, I just said in a quiet voice, "I just made love to my wife once last night, and she didn't fix me anything for breakfast." Well, they started laughing, and finally Jim-Bob asks me, "Well, hell, did she say anything to you this morning?"
"Just two words," I answered. "Don't stop!"

 

 

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You Smell Terrific

 Bill's friend Harry went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, so he asked her to dance.

She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, Harry said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"
The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5.
Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
Honest Harry replied: "Well, I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it."

 

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