There's a couple things i hear ringing. Fantasy vs lifestyle vs scene vs practice. Lifestyle takes time, work, and constant effort. Some couples fall into it easily and it becomes what they are. Not all people can be 'on' all the time. Actually, most cannot, we all need some kind of down time unless you are by nature submissive/dominant/hotwife/cuckold. A scene is more fantasy and fun being played out. 'do this, do that' kind of mutual or singular activity being played out. Sometimes it is cooperative as experiences shared, sometimes it is directed by one and the other follows. Practice is something that often plays out together, activities and roles are somewhat predicable and everyone enjoys what they want/need because of the familiar play together. Fantasy is someone directing more than participating at times. Could be topping from the bottom, looking to satisfy a particular desire and need. It can be disappointing for one or both, someone is trying to get that itch scratched but it doesn't quite do it. That said, maybe a kink therapist could be the mediation you need, they do exist. They can ask the questions and find out who wants what, and what is comfortable and acceptable. My armchair opinion, hubby is pimping you to satisfy something. Try to find out what that is. Your cuckold is driving this, that is wrong I believe. Both of you, especially you, should know what is going on with reasonable expectations. You might be incompatible. You might need adjustments. I certainly hope you find that middle where you both enjoy.