My boyfriend and I have been together over 11 years now. I knew nothing of his cuckold fantasy till 3 years into our relationship. I also found out about his porn addiction shortly after. He asked me to try it and said if I decided not to, it would probably end up being the end of us. Losing him was and still is the last thing I want to happen. He told me "all" about it and how much he enjoys the denial and buildup to being with me again. So, I agreed, but with some stipulations he agreed to. I found out later, he was watching porn and getting himself off every chance he got, even while doing his cuckold stuff. He literally waits for me to leave to do so. I struggle with this pretty bad. I even confronted him and was told he watches cuckold videos and imagines me in them. He said it's kindling for his buildup. Not if he's getting off! Am I wrong?
We are now in our 50s and he has admitted to starting to get ED and feeling himself aging out. He made me a promise, which I feel he never had any intentions of keeping, to have our time before this happens. He is now saying cuckold is a part of who he is and stay on board or find someone else. I don't feel this is fair with the way he has been.
I also struggle with him wanting me to be "friends" with the bulls. We agreed at the beginning not to be. We tried it and both know it doesn't work. He's also pushing me to perform other certain things he agreed to me not doing.
Any insight, advice or answers will be greatly appreciated.
