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CUCKOLD TEST

Little Johnny and two of his friends were sitting on a front porch one day after school.
Billy looked down the street and saw a bright red Corvette.

"Someday I'm gonna be a lawyer so I can buy me one of those Corvettes," he said.

Robbie looked over at the driveway next to the Corvette and saw a brand new Ferrari.

"I'm gonna be a doctor," he said, "so I can get me a fast Ferrari."

Little Johnny looked over at the other two and replied, "I'm gonna learn how to suck dick when I grow up."

The other two jaws dropped.

"That's what my sister does, and she owns both of those cars," explained Little Johnny.

 

Little Red Riding Hood was talking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a tree. "Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you.  And I'm going to eat you!" "Eat!  Eat!  Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily. "Damn it! Doesn't anybody fuck anymore?"

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ok, try again.

A wife was examining her naked breasts in the mirror with her hub near by on the bed.  "I've always wished my tits were bigger" she told her hub. I wish there was something i could do to make them bigger.

"I know a way," hub said.  "You do, what is it?," she asked.  "Take a square of toilet paper every day and wipe it between your tits."  Thinking he had lost his mind she wondered if the crazy idea would work.  She decided to give it a try.  

Day after day, she ran the tp between her breasts.  And day after day she noticed no improvement.

Now three months in, again she stood before the mirror and, as before, her hub was nearby.  "You promised this would work but I see nothing different." "Are you sure," hub asked?  "Nothing! Exactly the same!, " she replied.  "Huh, that's strange," said hub.  "Are you sure?"  "I don't know why I thought your crazy idea would work!," she whined.

Hub replied, "worked on your ass."

We are told hub is expected to make a full recovery.

 

 

 

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One day a 7th grade class was taking a field trip, but the weather was extremely bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same room as his teacher.

In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frightened by the sight of Johnny standing right over her.

He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep.

She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay.

Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button and she said "NO"

"But my mommy lets me do it when I can't sleep and it helps."

So the teacher says, "Okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do."

A few minutes later the teacher says "OH. that's not my bellybutton."

And Johnny says, "that's not my finger."

 

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A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this; they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

 

 

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One day, while a squirrel was sitting in his tree, he saw a rabbit hopping towards him down the path, and as he came, he was repeating, "I'm a pig, I'm a pig, I'm a pig".

So the squirrel decided to go down and see what the heck was going on with this rabbit.  So, he went to the bottom of the tree and when the rabbit came near, he stepped out and stopped him.

"What's going on?" he asked.  "You're not a pig, you're a rabbit.

See, you got long ears, a little button nose and a fluffy cotton tail."

The rabbit looked at the squirrel for a second before he grabbed him, fucked him up the ass, beat his head against the tree and came in his face, and continued down the trail repeating, "I'm a pig, I'm a pig, I'm a pig."

 

 

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A guy walked into the doctor's office without an appointment. "Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor." "It's rather embarrassing," the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection." "Well, the doctor is very busy today," the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."


My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs." She looked at me and said, "You did this to me you bastard!" I casually replied, "If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, "It'll be too painful."

 

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why, she said, "Because I am trying to examine you."

 

Pat O'Leary left Cork for Philadelphia where he found a job on a building site. When payday rolled around Pat went out on the town, got drunk as a goat and spent the night with a prostitute.

 

The following day (Saturday) Pat decided to go to confession and tell all.

 

When the priest  heard his confession he told Pat to say twenty Our Fathers, twenty Hail Mary’s, and twenty decades of the Rosary and to put $20 in the poor box.

Two weeks later Pat's mate, Rory O'Brien, told Pat he was leaving for  San Francisco because there was tons of work there and the money to be made was more than twice what could be made in Philly.

After a little coaxing Pat decides to go with Rory.

At the end of his first week on his new job Pat's wages were more than double anything he'd made before. Off he goes for a night on the town. 

Gets drunk as a lord and spends the night with a prostitute.

Come morning remorse sets in and Pat goes to Mission Dolores for confession.

After hearing Pat's confession, the priest tells him to say a couple of Our Father's and drop a dollar in the poor box.

"But, Father. I did the same thing in Philly and had to say twenty Our fathers, twenty Hail Marys, twenty decades of the Rosary and I had to fork over $20."

"Ah, sure," the priest responded, "what do they know aboout drinkin' and fuckin ' in Philadelphia."

 

 

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