Communication, Communication, Communication

[Guest SandL]

When asked about the secret to real estate, the answer is invariably: location, location, location. 

Well, as several of you have wisely pointed out, the secret to this lifestyle is: communication, communication, communication. Because we’re new, what is common knowledge to you all, who are more experienced, feels like an epiphany to us. And it really felt like that last night. 

As you may or may not know, Leslie and I have recently stepped into the stage where I watch her with her guy. And this past Friday was our second experience with this new step. (Leslie started a new thread to detail that, but she is a bit under the weather today and may not get back to it for a few days...husband’s orders ha). The second was much better than our first experience, but it did lead to some hesitations about where we were going with all of this...some on her side and some on mine. 

But last night we finally took the initiative to just sit down and talk about it all. It’s really quite crazy how you can build scenarios in your head and be convinced of them without ever getting the perspective of the one you are building the scenarios around. I’m sure that’s common in lots of different areas of life, but when sex is the topic those scenarios get, well...crazy and often times irrational. At least that was the case for us. But after we took the time to talk openly and honestly about our thoughts and hesitations and possible fears, we found that we were much more together in our thoughts than we could have imagined. Leslie actually feared she was losing me. I was less fearful, but hesitant about where she was wanting to take this lifestyle thing. We were both creating scenarios in our heads that had consequences that would have been impossible to deal with...had we not talked. But by the end of the night we both felt that we were in the same place and even better...we realized our desires for one another we’re stronger now than they had ever been. Crazy. The even crazier thing is that we are more in tune with one another sexually. With all of that emotional and psychological baggage out of the way, our sex last night was off the charts. (Which is why she’s not feeling well today ha)  And to add one ore crazy thing, because we’re more open with one another about our sexual desires and what we’re thinking and feeling about what we’re doing...not only has our sex life gotten exponentially better...but now so too is our level of trust. (Well except for the redhead waitress episode...but that actually was a big part of our discussion last night) The trust thing will of course have to have time to grow. But the really strange thing is, is that the one who is not having sex with another trusts the one who is while the one who is having sex with another struggles to trust the one who isn’t. (Mind blown!) That is just another unexpected development in this lifestyle. But we’re talking about it openly, so I have every confidence that trust will grow on both sides. 

Anyway, the moral of the story is communication, communication, communication. I really can’t stress how important it has been for us. It’s made the “and” in SandL so much truer. The hard part now, is keeping the communication going. I’m not sure why, but it’s far more natural to be comfortable with building fake scenarios in your head than just talking. 

Not the sexiest post...I’ll leave those to Leslie...but I thought I’d share our growth while at the same time giving a shout to those (you know who you are) who have pushed us to communicate. Thanks from both of us. 

Steve 

 

 

[Naughty Nicki]

I couldn’t have said any of that any better, but it’s like anything else, the more practice you have doing it, the easier it is and will eventually become just a natural thing to do. 

[Guest SandL]

Agreed. It’s not the natural thing, at least it wasn’t for us. We thought we were communicating, but we really weren’t. But now I think we are truly being intimate with one another as far as what’s going on deep inside both of us. Crazy how sex can do that. Ha 

Steve 

[secondjag]

thoughtful and well written, thanks

[Kaktuscpl]

Dude....y'all are awesome .....wife and I are enjoying (and learning from)reading y'alls postings .....THANK YOU

[Guest SandL]

This is the dudette of the dude  He is pretty awesome, I will admit that...I guess. But he’s right about one thing...he should totally leave the sexy stuff to me  

Actually, he’s right about all of it. I’m the one that got mad because he was getting too much attention. So I’m learning about myself too. Steve is always good about thinking things through or at least trying to. I’m the one he’s talking about with the whole “building fake scenarios” stuff. But luckily, we were able to tear ‘em down last night. Oh, and for the record...the sex was amazing last night...but let’s not get big heads about it...that’s not why I’m not feeling so good today. 😂 Teasing............................or am I??? Hmmmmmmm...

Leslie 

[Kaktuscpl]

I could be wrong.....but the openness between Paula and I,has not only brought us closer as a couple....but also made us more accepting of others....which makes us (ALL OF US)better people...y'all know what I'm saying????

 

[Kaktuscpl]

God.....I/we fucking love y'all

[Guest SandL]

I totally get that. People in general need to talk more about the crazy stuff inside them! 😂 I think everyone would find out that they’re not alone and others would see that there are a lot more kinky people out there than they though!!  

Good comment! 

[Guest SandL]

You’re so sweet! Thanks!  

(if you see emoji’s then you know its me...Leslie. Steve doesn’t like them or know how to use them 😂) (Just saying because sometimes I forget to sign my name!! ) 

Leslie 

[athlete951]

Steve,

Great post.  Although not often discussed, this whole lifestyle comes down to trust.  Obviously there is the trust that the husband gives to his wife to allow her to play.  There is also the trust the wife has to her husband to know that he isn't going to get mad and hold this against her.  There is the trust that the husband and wife both have to have for her lover.  Finally, we outsiders also need to be able to trust our couples.

The bedrock of trust is communication.  It allows you to understand what everyone else is thinking, while being able to express yourself.  You can't have trust without communication.  I'm very happy to hear that you guys realize that.

This lifestyle does a lot of great things for couples, but one of the major ones is what it teaches them about themselves and each other.  The husbands and wives are both freed to break beyond marital stereotypes and discover what they really enjoy.  The wives are able to pursue the sex that they want and the husbands are amazed to see this newfound confidence in their wives.  The husband learn how much pleasure there is to be gained from playing a supportive role and they are freed from always having to be the one who takes the lead. The wives are equally excited to see their husbands learn about themselves and be able to take on this new role.

Once again, great post.

Eric

[secondjag]

22 hours ago, Kaktuscpl said:

I could be wrong.....but the openness between Paula and I,has not only brought us closer as a couple....but also made us more accepting of others....which makes us (ALL OF US)better people...y'all know what I'm saying????

 

well said Kak