athlete951

I believe the term "bull" should be earned, rather than self-appointed. Calling yourself a bull, with no bull experience, is like giving yourself a cool nickname and hoping other people start to use it. A bull is someone who has above-average sexual abilities and is comfortable being with couples. Sexual ability is tied to many factors including sex drive, stamina, size, technique, and body. While "dominant" can come with a lot of baggage and misunderstanding, I think a bull needs to be self-confident and aggressive enough to be watched by a husband and take the lead with the couple. If you have all of those attributes, couples with happily call you their bull. Why do bulls like having sex with married women? Well, for starters, sex is fun However, if it was just about the sex, it would be easier to just sleep with single women. I for one enjoy the aspect of being watched. It's like having a crowd watch you play sports. Sure a good performance one-on-one is fun, but it is even better when someone else is there to appreciate it. Second, I prefer the nature of relationships with couples. I take the primary lead on taking care of her sexual needs, while he takes care of her emotional and material needs. We complement each other. The husband's support for the relationship is a huge help and improves the quality of it. There is also the taboo aspect that adds a little thrill to it. Hope that helps. Happy to discuss further.

My pleasure. I am glad I could help. One other topic I thought about after writing earlier was whether your two would prefer a friend or stranger? As you have the discussions and make your decisions, my general recommendation is that you defer to your wife. The focus should be on her and her pleasure, so if she wants something, err towards that. On anything other than your red lines, consider that your wife has a veto, while you only have a vote One of my red flags when I meet couples is where it is obvious that the husband is making it all about him. The wife's pleasure and desire almost seem like after thoughts. That's a sign of a terrible relationship and I will avoid those couples like the plague.

Congratulations! Just getting to this step is a huge process, which I am sure you know. Before you start your search, I would recommend that you two discuss exactly what you are (and are not) looking for. This will in turn help tailor your search. While not exhaustive, here are some topics that you two can discuss and figure out what you want in regard to them: - What is she looking for in a man in regards to his physical traits? Ethnicity, height, weight, build, size, etc - What is she looking for in a man in regards to his personality traits? - What are you looking for in her partner in regards to his physical and personality traits? - Would you prefer a man who has previous experience with couples? - Would you prefer a straight or bi man? - Are you looking for a one night stand or something ongoing? - Do you want to watch, join, etc? - Would you ever be comfortable with them playing alone? If so, under what circumstances? - Are you looking for a dom, sub, or etc partner? To what degree? - Will you require them to take an STD test before meeting? What are your rules concerning condoms? - If you are looking for something on going, would you expect him to be monogamous to the two of you? Do you care about his relationship status (i.e., would you be okay if he were married?) - Where would you be most comfortable playing at? Home, hotels, his place, etc? - Are you two looking for a man who is comfortable going out in public with you two (i.e., dates) or strictly sexual/discreet? - Are there any specific things that she doesn't want in a partner and/or will not do? Same question for you. Okay, I am sure I missed some, but hopefully that will get you two thinking and talking. Remember that you can't really start searching until you know what you want. Best of luck!

My preference has been for long-term, steady relationships with couples. It allows you to build trust and comfort, which in turn allows you to explore so much more. Of course that means that we are all focusing on quality vice partner quality. To me though pure numbers have never seemed to hold the appeal of a quality relationship.

How long have you and your wife been in the lifestyle, Mark?

If you don't mind me asking, are you more excited by the idea of her being with multiple men or the quality of the relationship/sex she has with her partner? Is it a quality or quantity thing for you?

Three regulars. That's pretty impressive. I am sure she doesn't lack for attention, let alone when the one night stands are added. I am curious what you two look for when meeting guys. Are their certain physical attributes? Personality aspects? Do you prefer guys with experience with couples?

That's great to hear. What a lot of outsiders will not understand is how bedroom fun can have such a positive impact on the rest of a marriage. I think the biggest is actually improved communication. If a couple is going to successfully enjoy the lifestyle, they have to learn how to express their own feelings and desires to their partner's, while also learning to listen and accept their partner's in return. It's wonderful. You mentioned that your wife has a regular lover. Have you two generally preferred regulars since joining the lifestyle or has it been a mix of short and long-term? My first two experiences with couples were long-term, so they certainly biased me. While one night stands can be fun, there's really no comparison for me. Long-term allows you to build trust and comfort, which allows you to explore so much more. The sex just keeps getting better with time.

Do you find that the experiences rub off on other parts of your marriage as well? For example, when she's been with a good partner, is she in a good mood for the next couple of days? Less stressed? Etc?

Speaking from a bull's perspective, I've never had one of my couples say that they regretted getting involved in the lifestyle, but every .one also admitted that there were ups and downs. Almost all of my experiences have been long-term and steady relationships with the couples, so what that brings is time to explore and evolve. One night stands, while fun, are relatively shallow events. The nature of our relationship and sessions are different at a month in than they were that first night. Similarly, they continue to evolve, so they are different (and better) three months, six months, a year, etc. later. While none of my couples have regretted, I have met other couples who did. Generally those were unhealthy marriages to begin with and the lifestyle simply @@@@@@@ those issues. A lot of times it is husbands who are pushing their wives to do it not for her pleasure and needs, but rather than themselves. To me that's the absolute worst mindset. So I will end by saying that it is totally normal to be nervous going into the lifestyle. The best approach is to be open with your wife and have good communication. Openly discuss what you both want, don't want, etc. Only go where and as far as you are both comfortable. Find a partner that you both like, etc. Happy to discuss further and answer any questions that you have.

I've had both, but my experience is that it is usually the husbands doing the searching and the wives providing their approval or disapproval. I think that is a good process because it allows the husbands to feel involved and demonstrate their support, while giving her the ultimate authority on who they play with (as it should be). The one exception is when it comes to one night stands/more spur of the moment hook-ups. Those are generally wife led in my experience.

Great points. In my experience and it sounds like yours as well, there is a massive delta between guys who like the idea of having sex with a married woman and those who can when the moment occurs, especially with an involved husband. I've sadly heard so many horror stories from couples who thought they had found a great guy only to have them fail in the moment. Have you found your luck has been better going through the swinger website you mentioned? Are there specifically things you two mention that you're looking for on your profile?

Very interesting topic. While most of my couples started off by discussing the lifestyle and fantasy before going through with it, I have been with and met couples who got started off through cheating. Those experiences generally involved wives who were sexually frustrated and thought that their only options were to stay frustrated, divorce, or cheat. They couldn't imagine telling their husbands about the sexual issues or having him being supportive of her solving them. Luckily, at least for these couples, the cheating helped @@@@@@ the elephant in the room. The wives realized they couldn't/shouldn't stay frustrated, while the husbands were forced to realize there was an issue. Not the easiest transition and most of the relationships struggled through the process, but at least in their cases, it worked for them.

Great question and I am curious to hear what others have to say, but it my own case, I got stuck away for work and this has been the longest period of time I've been without a couple since I first got started with couples. I hope it hasn't been as dramatic for everyone else, but also hope people are being safe.

L, A wonderful post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights. I think your experiences have taught you a lot about yourself, some of which you are still coming to grips with. That is absolutely normal and part of the lifestyle. Honestly the learning never stops, which is part of the fun. On one hand you learned how good sex can be. You learned that size matters to you. You also discovered the pleasure of being with a strong, confident, aggressive man in the bedroom. That you can be submissive to a man, if has the ability to earn it. You will never be able to go back to thinking you can be satisfied by and monogamous to an average guy. That ship has sailed. On the other hand, I think you also found out that you are a pretty darn good cuckoldress (i.e., domme, hot wife vixen, etc.). You have a natural domme streak and ability to help gently push a submissive to do new things with and for you. You also found out how having power can be arousing in a similar way to giving it up. These two sides are part of who you are. I think to be truly satisfied and happy that you will need to be able balance the two. That may not come quickly or easily, but I think that is where you need to eventually get to. You obviously don't seem to be struggling to find willing and able black men, but finding another cuck will be more of a challenge. You can use online searches to help find an interested cuck, but for some reason I feel like you need to know a guy first before you know him as a cuck. If that is the case, I think you are going to have to get back into the vanilla dating pool at first. While I haven't found any way to tell if a guy has cuck tendencies right away, I think there are some things you can do early on to help get a sense if there is potential. First and probably most important for you, I would be open with him that you have been sexually involved with black men. If he has a negative reaction, that's an easy sign that the relationship isn't going to go anywhere. If he is indifferent that is neither positive or negative. If he acts curious and/or supportive of it, then that is a very positive sign. Now that is a relationship you may want to invest more time into. Eric

I always appreciate seeing cuckolding sneak its way into mainstream media. I see it as a key way of helping to normalize the lifestyle. I want couples to stop having to feel guilty about exploring the lifestyle. I want to eliminate the negative connotation of being a cuck. I want to be able to go on more open dates with my couples.

Great question and response. I appreciate you getting the conversation started. Pflash99 has a lot of experience and advice to offer, so I would definitely pay attention to his responses. My experience is that every husband experiences some level of jealousy. The interesting aspect is that the jealousy is actually part of the excitement for the husbands. They're jealous of what her lovers can do to her, but that is exactly why the husbands seek out capable lovers in the first place. Jealousy only really becomes a problem when it creates resentment and when it becomes the focus of the husband vice the pleasure of watching his wife. Luckily that has never become an issue with my couples, but I have heard about it happening with other lifestyle couples. I think something that has helped me is that I care about the cuckold's experience and growth as well. If the cucks are enjoying themselves and feel connected to the relationship, they will be the biggest cheerleaders for the relationship. If they are treated like third wheels, they can become jealous and resentful. I've never had a husband from one of my couples he regretted it and wish he could go back, but once again I've only had positive experiences with my couples. I think each husband struggles a bit realizing that they are not stereotypical alpha men in the bedroom, but the other feeling is a relief at being freed from trying to live up to that stereotype. A lot of husbands feel a great deal of stress trying to live up to that stereotype and being solely responsible for their wife's pleasure. Getting involved in the lifestyle frees them from that and allows them the opportunity to be themselves. One way the wives see their husbands differently is that they see how loving and caring their husbands are. How they love them so much that they are willing to put her needs first. That is very endearing and helps to strengthen marriages.

Adam, Exactly what L said. A successful experience within the lifestyle begins (and continues) with effective communication. You both need to be comfortable sharing your feelings and desires. You also need to realize that those feelings and desires with evolve throughout your exploration, so continued communication is key. As you start working on that improved communication, I would recommend two mutually supportive tracks. One track is like you experienced the other day. Work those conversations into your play sessions. For starters they should really make things exciting for you both. Additionally, it will help you guys develop comfort with expressing your feelings. As your comfort builds, you can start working on the second track, which is to slowly discuss the practical aspects of it. For example, what type of guy are you interested in having join you? Would you two prefer a one night stand or something more long-term? What are your rules on condoms? Would you always get to watch? What are your boundaries? These sorts of very practical details can help a couple go from the fantasy stage to making it a fun, comfortable reality. Two last points. First, don't be in a rush. As exciting as the fantasy may be, it is not worth ruining your relationship over. Take your time. It will be worth the wait. Second, be careful and avoid making this about you. While your opinion certainly matters and you should never do something you don't want to, if you focus on your girlfriend's comfort and pleasure, things will work out better. She should never feel forced into doing something and she should feel empowered by the experience. Eric

Maury, sorry to hear about the bad experience. That really sucks. Emotions are tricky things and while most of us are focused on the physical aspects of the lifestyle, it can be hard for emotions to not get involved. My advice is generally for couples to look for men who have a desire to be with a couple (vice wanting the woman to himself) and who have successfully been with couples before. Guys who care about the husbands too and want them involved in the relationship. Additionally, all three participants need to be as open and honest with each other as possible. It is a bad sign when the men and wives start having lots of secrets. Finally, it is good to remember that emotions are not a zero sum game. Just because a wife begins to care for her lover doesn't mean she necessarily cares for her husband any less. She can easily appreciate both men for what they bring to her and the relationship. Just because she may be smitten with the lover doesn't mean she should care for her husband any less. Once again, sorry for the negative experience and best of luck.

I'm with you. If I wanted to be alone with the woman, I would date single women. What I enjoy is not only the sex, but the thrill of having an audience. Someone who greatly appreciates the pleasure I am providing his wife. I never want the husbands to feel left out or like third wheels. The more they feel connected to my relationship with their wives and the excitement they get from watching, the more supportive they will be. Cucks will be the biggest cheerleaders for the relationship, if and when they feel a part of that relationship and appreciated for their roles.

Congrats. Obviously exploring the lifestyle is a big step for any couple, but it sounds like things are going well so far. My recommendation for all couples is to continuously discuss it, so that each partner is able to express their feelings and understand the others. With that don't feel that as the cuck that you have any less right to express your feelings. If you feel ignored and forced to bottle up those feelings it will eventually cause issues with the relationship, regardless of how supportive you want to be. In that vein, I would recommend following Nicki's advice (which is usually phenomenal to begin with). Tell her that you would like to watch and ask her if they would be comfortable with it. There is a chance that she (or he) may say no at this point, but realize that this is new for them too, so if they say no, just give it some time and ask again. The humiliation aspect of your relationship is interesting. I caution outsiders and rookies that humiliation doesn't have to be a part of the cuckold lifestyle. With that said, many people, men and women, are aroused by well executed/delivered humiliation. It's a learning process. In the meantime, good luck and play safe.

It is definitely good to hear that it was an improvement for you two. If you don't mind owe asking, how long into the marriage did you two start exploring it? Whose idea was it at first?

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I only know the lifestyle from the bull perspective, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but my couples have had similar experiences. I think there are almost ups and downs with lifestyle couples, but as you pointed out, you can say the same thing about vanilla couples. In fact my couples have described the vanilla periods of their marriages as extremely stressful. Most struggled to be open and honest with one another. For the wives it usually revolved around them struggling to admit that they had sexual desires that their husbands were unable to fulfill. They thought that admitting their husbands had sexual shortcomings would hurt him too badly and end the marriage. They felt trapped and that their only options were to be unsatisfied or cheat. Meanwhile many of the husbands felt trapped into playing stereotypical male roles that they either didn't want or couldn't fulfill. Once a couple explores the lifestyle though those communication walls come down. They are both able to be so much more open and honest with each other. The wives gain confidence in expressing their wants and desires. The husbands learn that they can still be amazing husbands even if they are playing a supportive role in the bedroom. Finally, your point about the lifestyle making you a better person is a great one. It certainly teaches you not to judge others. Thanks for sharing

You know you could also just choose not to read their threads, right? It's really not that difficult. If you look at their readership and follower numbers, you'll see that plenty of people must like their banter. They are also not hurting anyone, so I suggest you ignore their posts in the future and let them have their fun.

I think RobJohnson hit the nail on the head. Some women (and men) enjoy being humiliated and if this is the case for you wife then sure, have fun. If the wife isn't into being humiliated then absolutely not. This lifestyle is ultimately about the wife's pleasure. I'm usually extremely cautious of couples where I suspect the husband isn't focused on his wife's pleasure and happiness. You can quickly tell which husbands are the selfish, self-involved types and I have no desire to be around those types. Also, if they use disrespectful language to describe their wives, that is pretty much an automatic red flag and the end of the discussion.