secondjag

so, got a million today.  I'll break it into 4 posts.  enjoy.  post 1 of 4

 

ok, ok, I know, some should have been in "Breakfast of Champions, enjoy."  but I've told you, I'm lazy as fuck.  some nice ones here and remember click on any one for larger more detail.

 

a man's got to know his limitations  ( 6 vids)

 

A fellow is feeling a little frisky, but true to his wife, goes home.
He finds her sound asleep in the bed with her mouth wide open, so he gets two aspirin and drops them in her mouth.
She starts to choke, but recovers and asks, "What did you put in my mouth?"
He says, "Two aspirin."
She replies, "But I don't have a headache!"
He says, "That's all I wanted to hear..."

Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing. After a while grandpa becomes  thirsty, and opens up his cooler for some beer.
Little Johnny asks, "Grandpa, can I have some beer too?"
"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked back.
"No."
"Well, then you're not big enough."
Grandpa then takes out a cigarette and lights up. Little Johnny sees this and asks for a cigarette.
"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked again.
"No."
"Well, then you're not big enough."
Little Johnny gets upset and pulls out some cookies. His grandfather says, "Hey, those cookies look good, can I have some?"
Little Johnny asks, "Can you stick your penis in your asshole?"
Grandpa looks at Johnny and senses his trick, so he says, "Well of course I can, I'm big enough."
Little Johnny then says, "Well, then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies."

 

8 hours ago, Peter C said:

Some excellent photos and gifs there Jag. Thank you. 

Shame that's not my Becky...

it is indeed a shame buddy.  don't give up; you're so close.  perhaps it's time to turn up the pressure??

sorry, it's a long one

 

Snakes.  Why did it have to be snakes?  (7 vids)

 

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time.

After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has sexual intercourse.
"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"

A teacher puts a photograph of a tomcat on the blackboard, and proceeds to ask the class, if they can tell her how the tail is attached to the cat.
Little Mary has the first attempt and answers, "By fur, Miss?"
The teacher replies, "Not quite right, Mary, but a good try."
Meanwhile all during the lesson, Little Johnny is sitting down the back raising his hand in the air saying, "Me, Miss!" "Me, Miss!"
The next student the teacher's picks is Peter, and he answers "Is it attached by skin, Miss?"
The teacher replies, "Not quite right either, Peter... Anyone else want to try?"
Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny. She said to Johnny, "What do you think the tail is attached by?"
Johnny replied, "Judging by the size of those nuts on the cat, I'd say, it would have to be bolted on!"

After giving a man his annual physical, the doctor said, “You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"
"Well," the man replied, "I was thinking about getting vasectomy."
The doctor warned, "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor of it 15 to 2."

A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man notices that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face.
The best man says, "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up you look so excited."
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face.
The maid of honor notices this and says, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited."
The bride replies, "I have just given the last blow job of my entire life."

 

Who's hungry?

 

sound on  (6 vids)

 

encourage you to "click" on an image for more detail

 

something just a bit shorter

 

learning to be a good gurl

 

got a long one today.  enjoy

 

and so it goes... ( 6 vids)

 

now that's what I call a Public Service Announcement

 

Three old men are discussing their sex lives.

The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for 5 minutes at the end."

The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex I rubbed her body all over with butter. We made passionate love, and she screamed for 15 minutes.

The old Jewish man says, "Well last week my wife and I had sex too. I rubbed her body all over with chicken schmaltz (kosher chicken fat), we made love, and she screamed for 6 hours.

The Italian and Frenchman were stunned. They replied, "What could you possibly have done to make your wife scream for 6 hours?"

"I wiped my hands on the drapes."

A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him, "Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex." The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings. First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it. The man immediately says, "Omigosh! Four people having sex!"
Next, the doctor draws a circle, at which the man gasps, and says, "One man having sex."
Next, the doctor draws a triangle, which, of course, the patient identifies as, "Two woman and one man having sex."
The doctor put the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I do believe that you have an obsession with sex."
To which the man replies, "Me? You're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, sister, this looks pretty grim."
I know, father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
"I agree," says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
Anything, Father."
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."
The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if I touched them?"
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"Yes, Sister?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied, lifting his robe.
"Oh Father, may I touch it?"
This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can produce life."
"Is that true father?"
"Yes, it is, Sister."
"Oh Father, that's wonderful! Then stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here."

A hillbilly was on trial for making moonshine whiskey. A young neighbor of his was being grilled by the prosecutor.
"Did you ever get any whiskey from him?" asked the prosecutor.
"No, sir!" said the neighbor.
"Did you ever get any from his wife?" he asked.
"No, sir," said the neighbor.
"Did you ever get any from his ?" asked the prosecutor.
The young neighbor thought a minute and said, "Wait. Your Honor, are we still talking about whiskey?"

 

Too many for one post. Like 'em all.  Some really good wedding ring shots.  Post 2 of 2

 

Too many for one post. Like 'em all.  Some really good wedding ring shots.  Post 1 of 2

 

One day, when Little Freddie was about 6 years old, he and his father went to look at some puppies. When he came home, he ran up to his mom and informed her that there were four puppies. Three were boys and one was a girl.
His mother was impressed and asked Little Freddie how he knew this.
"Well," says Little Freddie, "the girl was brown colored, but all the boys were black."
"Yes, dear, but how did the colour tell you if they were male or female?" asked his mother.
Exasperated, Little Freddie retorted, "The colour doesn't tell you, silly, the black ones all had cocks."

After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," answered the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and shivering. And then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."
When the doctor examined the man's elderly wife a short time later, he asked, "Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns, leading the doctor to ask, "Your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and shivering after having sex with you the first time and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?"
"I think I do know why," the wife explained. "It's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August."

Three friends, two straight guys and a gay guy, and their significant others, were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship. They all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."

An attractive woman turned to the man in the business suit behind her in the elevator. "Excuse me," she asked, "but aren't you Little Johnny?"
The man cleared his throat, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Oh," she gushed, "I've always wanted to meet you, Little Johnny. And now that we're together," she continued throatily, "I'll tell you what I'd like to do; I'm inviting you back to my room, where I'll kneel in front of you and pull out your cock and suck it till you have a giant hard-on and suck it some more until you come all over my face..."
"I don't know," said Little Johnny, thinking it over. "What's in it for me?

Little Red Riding Hood was talking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a tree. "Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you.  And I'm going to eat you!" "Eat!  Eat!  Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily. "Damn it! Doesn't anybody fuck anymore?"

One day, during 6^th grade English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "who can tell me the meaning of ‘indifferent’?"
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual inuendo, looks for another student to ask. Finally, when no one else raises their hand, she says, "yes, Johnny?"
"Miss Figpot, it's means lovely."
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"
"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, 'that's lovely'. Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'"

 

One day, a class of third graders from the city was taking a field trip to the country to visit a small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the different kinds of animals on the farm.

So, the farmer asks one little girl, "What's the difference between a rooster and a hen?"
"The hen lays eggs." replied the little girl. "Very good!" said the farmer.

Then the farmer asked another little girl, "What's the difference between a duck and a turkey?"
"Well," replied the little girl. "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what we have on Thanksgiving Day."
"Very good!" exclaimed the farmer. Then he asks little Johnny, "Do you know the difference between a bull and a cow?"
"Yes, I do" replied little Johnny from the city. "Bulls smile when you milk them."