This "observation" is very thorough and very true. It is important to have constant communication because some things work for certain couples and some things don't. You did mention the French kissing and although to many this seems very minor, to me it was the hardest thing to get used to. Way harder than watch her being fucked. Kissing seems to involve more emotion, in my view, and getting emotions involved is scary. However, communication helped solve this dilemma with us. My wife explained that if she feels inhibited in any way, and can't kiss her lover if she feels like, then she can't be comfortable and would rather not get together at all. I finally understood and learned to deal with it. We had a very long discussion after her first experience, since it was unplanned and came as a surprise. There were certain things (rules, I guess you can say) that each of us desired. As I just stated, she needed to feel uninhibited, she wanted to be able to be with whom she wanted as long as it didn't interfere with our outside family life and she wanted to be able to be with the same guy on a regular basis, even though that scared me, because she needed to be comfortable with him. I needed her to never do anything behind my back, always tell me and I have the choice of being able to watch whenever I want to. She also enjoyed me being present for her safety so she had no problem with that as long as I didn't interfere. Once all that was worked out and made comfortable we were able to make this sexual lifestyle so awesome that it made us love each other more, re-energized our marriage and made us both feel more alive. Although my wife doesn't fully understand it, I am extremely comfortable with her being able to have sex with whomever she wants while I remain faithful to her (a rule of hers). I think that may stem from the fact I am much older than her, I had a LOT more sexual experience than her (she had only been with one other person besides me) and I knew that I cannot satisfy her any longer (except with my tongue). I do see how this can tear apart marriages and not work for everyone so those that are considering it or even those doing it, please be very careful, talk constantly and enjoy !