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CUCKOLD TEST

This British explorer is in the dark jungle, going where no Western man has gone before. Accompanying him is his trusted guide, interpreter, cook, and troubleshooter all in one.
One day early in the morning, they arrive at a lake and find a handsome dark young man taking a morning swim. When he got to shore and stood up the explorer couldn't help but notice the size of his penis. The young man had the longest, thickest penis he had ever seen, or even imagined. He was simply awed. He asked his guide who this man was.
"He is the prince of the tribe that lives on the other side of the lake, Sir," came the reply. "This is his morning ritual."
"Ask him," the awed Brit said to his companion, "how did his penis get to be this size?"
The guide goes to the lake and talks to the man, who seems to get very agitated by the conversation.
"Well, what did he say?" asked our hero to his assistant on his return.
"He said, 'Doesn't the white man's shrink in cold water?'"

 

 

There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the Cambridge rag, "The Cambridge Distorter", told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well, so the other often had to repeat what was said to them.The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
He said, "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE" - So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little", said the photographer.
YET AGAIN - "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD! BOTH OF US?"

 

 

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An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,  'Who wasa da piga thata did this a you? I wannna know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. 

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair who is impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your has informed me of the problem.’

He goes on to say, ‘I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your for the rest of her life.
‘Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account! If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him.

"You a-gonna try again!"

 

 

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A man went into a night-club and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance.
She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one.
While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"
The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5.
Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
"Well, I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.

 

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Three men walk into a bar and sit down at the counter.
The first thing that the bartender tells them is not to go into the back room, it is forbidden!
Naturally, as soon as the bartender leaves, one of the men goes into the room.
He sees a really hot, big-breasted woman in there and hundreds of penises all over the walls.
She walks up to him and grabs him by the nuts and asks him what his father did for a living.
He tells her that he was a meat grinder....so she pulls out a meat grinder and grinds up his dick....he runs out screaming.
The second man goes in the room and the same thing happens, except he says, ‘My father was a butcher."
So she chops it off and he runs out screaming.
Then the third man goes in and once again the same thing happens.
But when she asks what his father did, he says, "He was a lollypop tester."

 

 

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Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other.
The first mouse says, "You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat 'em like candy."
The second mouse, not to be outdone says, "Oh yeah? Well, you know those mousetraps they put out to try to catch us? What I do is get on the trap, grab the cheese, and then flip over onto my back, and when the steel bar comes swinging down, I grab it and do bench presses with it."

The third mouse says, "You guys are really a couple of tough mice, and I'd love to keep hanging out with you here, but I gotta go fuck the cat!"

 

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird."
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked, "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... smallcocks."

 

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