secondjag

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house.He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard."I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?""Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my , I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.""Ok," said the man, thinking that the must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.Before dinner, the came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure.She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone.But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion.He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear.Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.""Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought."If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out.As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.As he plummeted downward, he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

lol, funny how that works Peter. Isn't that how he came to her in the first place? INCLUDING SOME MORE RETRO

got sent a ton. feel free to be offended by the political ones; I thought they were funny (and true). you are most welcome to put up funny opposing ones here.

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man notices a gorgeous woman sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm. Lying to the hotel clerk, he says, "Fancy meeting my 'wife' here. I'll need a double room for the night." The next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3,000. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only been here for one night!" "Yes," sniffs the clerk, "but your 'wife' has been here for three weeks!" Three friends took their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas and they all had a great time.A few days after they returned home, the men were sitting around talking about their trip."I don't think I'm ever going to do that again!" says the first guy. "Since we've been back, my wife flings her arms and hollers '7 come 11' all night long. I haven't had a wink of sleep!""I hear ya, buddy," the second guy replies. "My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there. Since we've been back, she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light, hit me hard'. I haven't had a wink of sleep either!""You guys think you have it bad!" exclaims the third guy. "My wife played the slots the entire time we were there. Every morning I wake up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!" A man was getting ready for work one morning when his wife looked at him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible."He replied that he felt great.The man went to work where his boss took one look at him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible."The man replied that there was nothing wrong with him and that he felt great.The man went to lunch with a client and the client looked at him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible."The man again replied that he felt great. The client suggested he go to the doctor right away because he looked so bad.The man went to the doctor, and when the doctor walked into the examining room and saw him the doctor said, "My god, you look terrible."The man explained that everyone was telling him that he looked terrible but that he felt great.The doctor said, "Are you sure you feel great?" The man reiterated that he definitely felt great!The doctor got out his medical book and looked up "looks terrible". After he found that he looked up the subsection "feels great".The doctor said, "I found it right here under 'looks terrible, feels great'.The man, at this point very nervous, inquired to the doctor, "Tell me, what is it?"The doctor replied, "According to my book... you're a vagina!" There was a young couple living in an old rundown house. One day the man gets home from work and his wife says, "Honey, look at the walls. They haven't been painted as long as we have lived here. It's peeling and cracking; couldn't you please just paint them?" "Who do I look like? Michelangelo?" the man replies. "I guess not", says the wife. The next day the man gets back from work again. Again his wife starts to complain. "Oh sugar, couldn't you just please at least repair the stairs? They're falling apart and they're really unsafe to walk up." The man says, "Who do I look like? Frank Lloyd Wright?" "Well, maybe not," says the wife. The next week the man returns from his job. He walks into his house and is suddenly amazed. The stairs are fixed, the walls were painted and the house looked superb. "Honey, how did you do this? It looks great!" he says. "Well, I met up with a handyman down the street. He offered to repair our house if I either bake him a batch of brownies or sleep with him" says the wife. "Well, honey, you baked the batch of brownies, right?" The wife replies, "Who do I look like, Sara Lee?"

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a "Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit"... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint, and a shovel." Mario asks, "So, what do I do with these things, doc? The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!" you hit her with the shovel. Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!" Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other, "Should we say hi to those 2 tampons? "The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts." A mother and her very young son were flying Westjet Airlines from Ottawa to Calgary. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?' The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So, the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, 'Did your Mom tell you to ask me?' The boy said, 'Yes, she did.' 'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Westjet always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you.’

stuff is sooooooooo good Trix

gotta love Teresa Dober 😈

anybody going to watch the "500"? (3 vids) Cleaning up.mp4 982750457_BBCcheckinghercolon.mp4 Trying to take it all.mp4

Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking.One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."He replied, "But they stunt your growth."She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never. Smiling and shifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse then?" There were these two 95-year old men sitting at the senior center one day when the one states, "I have to get right home!""What's your hurry?" asks the other."Me and the wife are having sex again today.""Again? How often do you have sex?""Every day! I don't have time to talk, but I'll tell you what the secret is... Pumpernickel Bread." And he scurried off.As the other old guy was walking home, he passed a bakery and wandered in. "Do you have any Pumpernickel Bread?" he asked the lady behind the counter."Yes, we have 3 shelves of Pumpernickel Bread.""I'll take it all," the old man blurts out.The lady was surprised and says, "All of it?! It'll get hard."The old man replies, "WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS BUT ME?" Three boys were sitting on a fence talking. One of the little boys says to the other, "If you could have your body covered in anything, what would it be?" After thinking for a while, the boy answers. "Silver" "Well, why?" "I could peel it off and buy that Honda over there" The boy then asks the other, "And you?" "Gold, I could peel it off and by the BMW sitting over there" After a few seconds one of the boys ask the first boy, "Well, what about you?" The boy thought and thought and finally, said very calmly, "Hair." Well, the other two boys were just sickened and asked..."HAIR???? Why in the hell would you want your WHOLE BODY covered in HAIR???" "Well," the boy answered, "My sister has got a little tiny patch of hair and she owns both of those cars!!!"

Holiday Special (8 vids) ADMIN; MP4 IS ONLY FORMAT WORKING HERE. WHAT'S UP? 49157451_amazingcuckvid.mp4 461607519_anotherbithreesome.mp4 baby i brought you something.mp4 663323708_BeautifulBlondeSchoolgirlGetsCreampied.wmv bella_cole_creampie_and_impregnation_720p.mp4-.mp4 972174358_bestofcuckoldcleaner.mp4 cp from bf sent home.mp4 Creamed Undies.mp4

for those celebrating, happy Memorial Day. try to take a moment away from the grill to think about its meaning

when you look at the retros, do you think that could well be your grandma/great grandma?? eh? how 'bout those Mom/dau?

crazy mix ( 6 vids) Paying the Uber driver.mp4 Levi's ad..mp4 Over Acheiver.mp4 Mouth.mp4 Standing.mp4 964011353_amassage.wmv

A golfer from Ireland hit a bad hook into the woods. Looking for the ball, he discovered a Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head, and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer took his water bottle from his belt and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happen?" the leprechaun says. "Oh, I see ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes. Whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm glad you're okay, and I apologize. I didn't mean to hit you." And the golfer walks off. "What a nice guy," the leprechaun says to himself. "But it was fair and square that he got me, and I have to do something for him. I'll give him three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life." A year goes by and the golfer is back, hits another bad ball into the woods and finds the leprechaun waiting for him. "'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I wanted to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "That's the first bad ball I've hit in a year! I'm a famous international golfer now," the golfer answers. "By the way, it sure is good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game. And tell me, how's yer money?" "Why, I win fortunes in golf. But, if I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills all day long." "I did that fer ye. And how's yer sex life?" The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly,"Errr, all right, I suppose." "C'mon, c'mon now. I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a day?" Blushing even more, the golfer whispers, "Once...sometimes twice a week." "What!" says the leprechaun in shock. "! That's all? Once or twice a week?" "Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not too bad for a Catholic priest without a car in a small parish." A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a female punk rocker entered. The patient had purple hair, plus a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, and she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the surgeons noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and just above it there was a tattoo which read, "Keep off the grass."After the surgical procedure was completed, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

I'd keep the sound on (4 vids) Beer Commercial.mp4 Wife, Good Mother and BBC Sucker.mp4 Wife's big tits flop as she's fucked by BBC.mp4 1227320038_WifeBBCSlutSuckBlackCockRide10inchUnderCov.mp4

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too. A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, "Have you done your chores yet?" "No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?" "You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow, and feed the pigs first." The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When finished, he kicks a chicken. Next, he walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig. Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk, and my sausage?" "Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage." Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"

awesome stuff Trix, thanks for sharing