Do you know about the teenager who came down from her 2nd floor room to meet her date, wearing a see-through blouse.
Grandmother was sitting in the living room, and berated the girl that it was indecent to go out like that.
The girl replied that Grandma should "get with it. Nowadays girls like to show off their 'rosebuds'", and went off on her date.
The next night, same scenario, but this time grandma was sitting in the living room with nothing on from the waste up. The teenager, yelled, "Oh, Grandma, you can't sit there like that! My date is coming!"
To which Grandma replied, "Get with it, Honey. If you girls can show off your 'rosebuds', I can show off my 'hanging baskets'"

 

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.  Of course, she is really enjoying this, and her nipples are firming as she becomes a bit aroused.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay... How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't," she says.
"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

One of the most famous philosophers in history was René Descartes. Many of his principles are well known to all students of math and philosophy. Remember the Cartesian graphs we labored over in high school algebra and geometry.
Descartes was also famous for his philosophical musings, such as "I think, therefore I am."

One story suggests that he was once asked his opinion on a question and he replied, "I don't think so." He promptly disappeared, but that is not the story we are telling today.
René Descartes and his wife were, on the surface, a happy couple, but Madame Descartes had a secret. She was a bi-sexual, and when René was not able to satisfy her completely, she would often wander out during the evening and partake of the pleasures of the Parisian prostitutes. This was, she thought, a harmless pleasure, and she saw no reason to disturb or worry her husband about her occasional trysts with the pleasurable prostitutes of Paris.
As we all know, such a secret life cannot remain secret for long. René discovered his wife's infidelity, and he confronted her. He issued an ultimatum: "Either you give up your liaisons with these women, or our marriage is over and I'm leaving."
Madame Descartes saw that her life with Rene was much too important and fulfilling to sacrifice for her occasional pleasures, and she agreed to forsake her indiscretions. She decided that in the interests of family harmony, to put Descartes before the whores.

 

5 hours ago, Dirtyfun1 said:

I want to be fed a cock like that last girl

Make it happen Dirty.  Now this - (7 vids)

 

A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained.
"I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too."
The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says... "Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"

 

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now? In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents were dead (and the cow), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.

When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So, the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.

The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right."

And while the son tried his best (seven times), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.

And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row." The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.

Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"

And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."

Then the young son asked, "Wait, how do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

John: Dad, there's a girl I like. She's beautiful. I want to go out with her.

Dad: Who?

John: The girl across our street, Nina.

Dad: Oh no, you can't. Don't tell Mom, but she's your sister.

John was furious, but a week has passed and he fell in love again.

John: Dad, I think I'm in love. She's prettier.

Dad: who?

John: She lives beside our house, name's Ana.

Dad: Oh son, I pity you but you can't date her. She's your sister as well. I'm sorry but it happened more than once.

John was furious. He decided to talk to his mother.

John: Mom, I hate dad! I can't date the 5 ladies I fell in love with just because they're dad's daughters to different women.

Mom: Oh, don't mind what your father said. You can date whoever you want. He's not your father.

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her inner right thigh just below her bikini line.
She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry Christmas" down on her inner left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your inner thighs?"
She says, "I'm sick and tired of my man complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!" 

 

 

Get in line.  First cum, first served

 

Saw this on another site.  Thoughts?

finally throwing up a few dogging

 

just a little fun  (5 vids)

 

you just keep knocking 'em out of the park Dober.  nicely done

hmm, there's got to be something in that back drawer... (4 vids)

 

6 hours ago, Peter C said:

Peter C is proud to announce that his 45 year old girlfriend Becky has confessed in the last few days to now having two new black online "boyfriends", bringing her current total to 7. 

As has become the pattern these last few months, both these two are much younger than her. One is 31, whilst I am shocked, but excited, that the other one is only 25, a year younger than Becky's son.

This from the woman that told me a long time ago how much she appreciated being with an older man like me. When she told me about number 6 on Thursday and how old he was, she added, "I do love a toyboy!" I'd previously inquired how young a guy would she go out with and she'd replied that 30 would be her limit, but on Thursday I asked if perhaps she'd be tempted to go out with an even younger black guy. "I might", she admitted with a cheeky grin on her face. "One about your son's age perhaps, Or younger maybe? 21, 22?", I suggested. "Well, funny you should say that - I was being chatted up online last night", Becky said with a glint in her eye. "He's 25 I think..."

Fast forward to Monday night and Becky texts me to ask if it's okay for her to "go out on a date tomorrow night with that 25 year old". I know it's only an online liason, but I could barely contain my excitement, or my erection! Of course I gave her my approval.

Apparently she's told all 7 that she's with a much older white "hubby", but that he's okay with his missus "going" clubbing with her black friends as he works evenings anyway. 

Congrats Peter, is there any way to get her to chat with a local?  You are sooooooooo close.

 

some repeats, especially from "Breakfast," I'm tired and as I've said many times, "I'm lazy as fuck"

 

 

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV.

She looks at her husband and winks at him.

He gets the message, and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes, boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents’ bedroom is ajar.

He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.
"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who paddled our butts just for sucking our thumbs."

A Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first-year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what is your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

Sadie had been widowed for a few years and very lonely, and finally consented to going out on a date with Morris, the gentleman her fixed her up with.
Morris picked up her and they went on a picnic in a very secluded spot.
Morris also had been widowed for a long time and found himself very attracted to Sadie, and despite her resistance at first to his advances, he finally was able to make love to her.
Sadie was mortified at her lack of self-control and sobbed "I don't know how I can face my , knowing in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!"
Morris said "What do you mean "twice" we only did it once?"
Sadie looked at Morris and said, "...Well, we're going to do it again, aren't we?"

 

Mickey Mouse visits his lawyer one day.
He says to his lawyer, "Tell me, what’s the current status with the divorce to Minnie?"
His Lawyer replies, "Well I've got to tell you Mickey, I have a bit of a problem with your case. You can't just divorce your wife because she's stupid."
Mickey turns to him and says "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I never said she was stupid. I said she was fucking Goofy!"

One Sunday our regular organist, an older man, had a bad case of the flu and asked his nephew, Bobby, to fill in for him. While Bobby was not as good as his uncle, he was still a passable musician. But what really got people's attention was that Bobby was a stunningly handsome man, and so ended up distracting many a young woman's mind from the hereafter to what was, so to speak, over here.
Well, needless to say, these women were disappointed when the regular organist returned the next weekend, but kept up hope -- while praying for forgiveness for wishing such a thing -- that the old organist would again fall ill so they might again have their favorite "substitute".
Things being as they may, and Ohio having chilly winters, the organist again caught the flu and asked his nephew to fill in. This time, one of the women, a buxom lass by name of Betty, took opportunity by the... horn, and, intercepting him after church, asked him on a date.
So Betty and Bobby, being young and carefree, had a spectacular first date, where they connected in conversation, connected in dance, and, well, connected back at his place.
But the next morning, while dressing, Betty seemed glum, and not just from a hangover. When Bobby asked, she said, rather bluntly, "You didn't warn me you had such a small organ."
Without missing a beat, Bobby smoothly replied, "You didn't warn me I would be playing in such a large cathedral."

 

23 minutes ago, cucksean said:

Jag you are amazing!  Thank you!

Alright Sean, here's a Sunday nighter for you

 

 

 

 

 

Sound on  (6 vids)

 

 

 

 

 

 

fuck this house! ban me, don't give 2 fucks.  Ok, for those that appreciate; ( 9 vids)

 

Some nice wedding rings in this bunch.  More nice bra/panty sets for G.  Oh, and fuck this house!!

 

Fuck this house

 

Motherfucker!! I'm gonna lose it.  Again taking numbers away and adding to non posting Asshat!  This shit drives me crazy.

Ok, evidently just to make this shit hole work,  a bonanza!  Too many for one post.  Post 5 of 5.  (14 vids)  Sound on, enjoy 'em and fuck the powers that be.  btw, I f'ing LOVE Jynx Maze